Wannabe Balanced Mom

Crystal Escobar

· in Life of a Wannabe· List's and Schedules

Why I Quit My “To Do” Lists

For those of you who have been with me since the beginning of my blog back in 2009. You know that I’m a routine lover and proffessional list maker. I’ve been known to be quite OCD at times. This year though, has been the beginning of a new way of life for me. I have changed things quite dramatically. Recently I blogged about how moms just LOVE to be amazing at EV.ER.Y.THING and in the process we unintentionally run ourselves into the ground.

So this year I decided to make some changes, starting with my “to do” list. I came to the conclusion that my routines and mile long lists of things I needed to do were not serving me well. I felt busy all the time and I didn’t like the affect it was having on my spirit and the way I treated my husband and children. I knew that some things needed to change. I wanted to be more present and relaxed without feeling a constant pull to get things done. So I let everything go. Well not everything, but I’ve made some major progress. I’m simply trying to allow room for God to guide me in my every day. Trying to become MORE by doing LESS.

To be clear, I didn’t give up ALL lists. I still use them when necessary like to ensure I don’t forget things, or when it comes crunch time and I MUST get certain things done. Basically I’m just a lot more selective. My lists and schedules got pretty ridiculous at times. Like writing down what time of day I would say a prayer,  or when I would sit and play with my kids.  I’d even go as far as mapping out everything we were going to do during the hour of play time. Although this method can actually be really good, for me it was removing myself from the actual moment. I was constantly thinking about what I needed to do next, had timers going all the time and I would never just sit and relax. It also made me extremely frustrated because the TIME schedule with my kids never went as planned.

I just want to simplify my life, and be happy with doing NOTHING once in a while, or having no plan for the day. Doing nothing can be very good for the soul.

The book I’m reading right now has been extremely helpful in this endeavor. It’s called The Power of Pause by Terry Hershey.

“We live in a world that urges us to admire and pursue whatever is faster, whatever is newer, and whatever is bigger~ the underlying idea being that we should be living a different life, not the one we’re living now. This is no surprise given the model by which we quantify success. Since we crave speed and we see productivity as our objective, these things become our standards for measuring how well we’re doing.”

By giving up my obsession for “to do” lists and schedules I have opened up a whole new space in my life that I didn’t know existed. I’m leaving room for creativity and spontaneity.  It’s quite refreshing. Not an easy task but it definitely has it’s rewards.
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· in Life of a Wannabe

Choices

We are faced with choices almost constantly. From what we eat for breakfast to how we spend our time each day. I believe the most important choice we can make is how we choose to react in the circumstances we are dealt, whether good or bad. Because even the bad can be good. Things will go wrong in life, but we have to learn to respond positively and look for the good in every situation. 
I look back on the choices I made even way back in highschool and can still see how they have affected my life today. One bad choice can create a negative snowball effect. I’ve learned after many years of trial and error, we DO choose our lives. We can’t sit around in our pity parties. We CAN change our situation. Sometimes it’s just a matter of changing our attitudes, or choosing to do something about it.



Are you happy with your life? 

We truly create our own realities. We have the ability to change things. Make our lives better. We CHOOSE it. This is something I didn’t really believe for a long time. I thought that things were happening TO me, and that I had no control over my happiness. Little did I know I could make my life anything I wanted it to be. We can’t change people unfortunately :), but we can choose not to allow them to steal our joy.

As many of you may know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I grew up in the church but of course there always comes a time when you have to ask yourself, Do I really believe what I’ve been taught? I think deep down I always believed, but I turned away from it for a few years. Probably because I felt guilty about the choices I was making. The further I was from the church the less guilty I felt. But also the more unhappy I became. My life wasn’t turning out the way I had always hoped it would.

I had dreams of marrying a trustworthy guy. Someone who loved and served God. I envisioned raising a family and teaching them good values. I wanted SUCCESS. Financial success. Success in marriage, in child rearing, in becoming who I was destined to be. I didn’t want to settle for mediocrity. I remember feeling like all was lost and that my life was just going to continue down this road and my dreams would never become a reality. After many years of not speaking to God I decided to simply ask him to help me. I was afraid to ask him for anything because I didn’t feel worthy. When I finally began praying to him again I felt his love and forgiveness. He made me realize the most amazing thing… I had the CHOICE! I could choose any kind of life I wanted.

As soon as I believed this, I knew that I needed to make some changes, starting with the relationship I was in. I knew it wasn’t right for me so I ended it. Then took the long hard road to a better life. Because even though we have the choice, it’s not always easy. Anything of value comes with a price. I knew that I needed to BECOME the kind of person I wanted to marry. So I spent a few years working on being that person. I always wanted to marry a returned missionary, so what did I do? I became a returned missionary :).

Serving my mission in Germany was probably the best choice I ever made, besides choosing to marry my husband of course. So what I’m trying to say here is, I learned that my choices were what created my life now. I don’t believe in luck. I believe that making good choices, allows Gods hand into our lives. He allows us to learn from the choices we make, but promises happiness from making GOOD ones.

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· in Inspiration· Life of a Wannabe· List's and Schedules

Discovering Who We Are

This is the time of year we get to celebrate all the Pisces out there, myself included. Wahoo! Can’t believe I’m going to be 35, WHAT???? When did this happen? Well as I mentioned on Periscope a couple days ago, I just realized that I achieved a goal I set for myself. About 5 years ago I announced here on the blog that I wanted to write a book before I turned 35. Well guess what!? I wrote a book!!!!

Okay, well it’s not exactly the kind of book I had in mind but I decided to make it count anyway. I made a little instruction manual on how to make fermented foods and also about sprouting and cleansing. So I was pretty excited when I figured out how to do this AND how to make it available on Amazon. If you have a book on Amazon you officially gain the title of “Published author” right? Well if you disagree then please don’t burst my bubble. I like feeling all smart and sophisticated.

So the book is $5 free shipping for prime members, but trust me, I aint gettin rich off this.  I think I get like less than $1 for each book sold, but that’s okay. My purpose in writing a book is not to make money. I’m just trying to share what I know in hopes to help others.  The process of self discovery and how we can help others do the same provides great fulfillment in life.

So now let’s talk about the Pisces horoscope. It’s funny, because everything that my horoscope told me, seemed to be VERY comforting, and in fact answered many of my questions.

My NEEDS as a Pisces, is: A purpose, so as to focus thoughts and avert boredom. Quiet intervals, to foster a sense of identity and peace. To feel ENCOURAGED, trusted and loved. Pisces needs to stick to a schedule or they’ll get lost in their own dreams. Too much regimentation, however, will crush their creativity.

I mean seriously! This is exactly what I’ve been struggling with lately. Being TOO regimented and not allowing God and creativity into my life. I was just too busy following my schedule. So a few months ago I threw out my “to do” lists and schedules was so liberating. But then I just craved ROUTINE. So now I’m just trying to find the balance between routines and “fly by the seat of my pants”. Ugh, it’s that word again, BALANCE… the unattainable goal. One day y’all… I’m gonna find that balance I so desperately need in my life.

“THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE” John 8:32
Horoscopes and patriarchal blessings are very interesting. If you choose to believe them, it unwraps the truth about ones self, and in a sense, setting us free to do MORE with the gifts/ talents we’ve been given. It enhances faith in our own abilities, giving us the reassurance that, YES, we are special, and even GOOD at certain things. It gives us affirmations of what we can ultimately become, and perhaps unveiling the hidden obstacles holding us back.

RISING ABOVE 
I laughed when I read in my horoscope that I NEED to feel encouraged 🙂 I’ve noticed that about myself and I believe it’s a weakness. It holds me back a little in life, provoking me to second guess myself A LOT!  I remember when I first started telling people I wanted to serve an LDS Mission. People literally laughed, thinking I was joking.  This caused me to really doubt my abilities and think maybe I was fooling myself at thinking I could ACTUALLY do something like this. I knew I had to rise above the negative comments and go forth with my endeavor. It’s not easy for me to ignore the nay sayers, or my own self doubts, but I know it’s the only way to succeed.

COMPARING OURSELVES
I think it’s human nature to compare ourselves with others, and in so doing, we tend to compare our weaknesses with others strengths. Why not be happy with who we are and what we have been given? I ask myself this all the time. It’s hard to always be aware of the unique abilities we each have, and not be jealous of others gifts. I’m always doing this to myself, not realizing at the moment the harm it’s doing to my self confidence. I read other blogs and I’m completely blown away by the talent these other women have. I can’t help but feel less as a person and completely inadequate in every way. Comparing yourself to others is guaranteed to bring you down and make you feel worthless, therefore leading you in the opposite direction of finding true fulfillment in life.

HURRY LESS

In a world that’s ever changing and clocks that seem to be going 100 miles a minute, it’s hard for us to take time to relax and enjoy the little things. Maybe I should just speak for myself. I’m constantly trying to remind myself to slow down and relax a little, always feel like there’s something more I should be doing,  like there is never enough time in a day to accomplish it all. I’m reminded of the quote by President Ezra Taft Benson, “When we put God first, all other things fall into place.”

SEASONS OF LIFE
 I know I’m in the season of motherhood and that in and of itself is something to be grateful for and proud of. I also believe very strongly that it’s so important for us mothers to have other hobbies that don’t include wiping bums and cleaning up messes. It’s important for us to set aside time for ourselves to refine our minds and develop talents.

“Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children.”
-Elder M. Russell Ballard 


I want to try harder to fulfill my purpose by allowing the truth to set me free, rising above the negativity, quit comparing myself to others, and hurry less in my season of motherhood.

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· in Life of a Wannabe

The Wrong Road

A while ago Sean shared a video with me that brought major clarification to a question I’ve had about prayer. My question is, why do we sometimes feel, after praying about something, that one way was the right way, when in the end it wasn’t. Watch this 3 minute video by Jeffrey R. Holland and you too will have a greater understanding to why this is sometimes the case.

“There are times when, the only way to get from point A to C, is by way of B”.
~Jeffrey R. Holland



A few years ago I had an experience similar to this and have always wondered why I felt so strongly to do what I did when in the end it didn’t work out the way I had hoped.

One of my really good friends and I had a falling out about 8 years ago. I couldn’t help but want to hold onto that friendship because of our history. She was a huge part of my teenage years.  I prayed and prayed about what to do and felt very strongly that I should reach out to her again. I didn’t want any feelings of regret, nor did I want to feel guilty, like maybe I hadn’t done enough. I wanted to be humble enough to apologize for anything I may have done to cause contention. So I reached out and we were able to resolve our issues and become friends once more. I felt great about it for a few months but then the same old things began to happen. I felt judged, belittled, left out, unappreciated and eventually I realized that this person was bringing me down. Instead of feeling good and fulfilled after being with her, I felt drained and really down on myself.

I couldn’t understand why, when I prayed about this, I felt so inclined to contact her. This friendship was so obviously not doing me any good.



After watching that video I finally have more clarity on this situation. God wanted me to know with a SURETY that I did all I could and that some friendships and people were meant to be left in the past. Which brings me to a few more quotes I’ve recently come across on Pinterest.
“we cry over friends we will never have back
people we once loved
bridges that have been burnt.
but there’s a reason the past is in the past.
you only have so much room in your life,
save it for people that deserve it.
chances are, if someone’s in the past,
they deserve to stay there.
-a.m.
Cutting people out of my life does not mean I hate them, it simply
means I respect me!

Life is like an elevator:
On your way up, sometimes, you have to stop and let
some people off.

I have fond memories of my friendship with this person and I will cherish them forever, but it’s time to let go and move on. I’ve done all I could do and through this experience have gained some closure to that chapter of my life. I’m finally at peace with it and so grateful for the power of prayer and how it has gotten me through so many of life’s challenges.
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· in happiness· Inspiration· Life of a Wannabe· Monthly Challenge· personal growth

February Challenge

14 Days of Loving Yourself
 

Thank you to my friend Heather who suggested that in honor of Valentines Day, we should focus on Self Love. I’m actually really excited about this and TOTALLY need to work on loving myself more.
To be completely honest, I lack confidence more than I’d like to admit. I struggle with self doubt due to the comparison game. I cannot seem to shake this one but determined to master it. I think most women can relate. One minute we’re feeling so confident and secure, then in walks a beautifully flawless women and suddenly you feel like the ugliest women in the room. This is what I do to myself in the blogging world.
February’s challenge couldn’t be more perfect for this time in my life. I want to love and appreciate my own unique gifts and talents. I want to be inspired by the success of others instead of allowing it to bring me down or make me feel inadequate. I wannabe CONFIDENT!
“You should never be the smartest person in the room. There’s always going to be somebody who’s smarter to learn from — and that’s a good thing.”
Jessica Alba
“Your piano teacher was right: practice does make perfect. “The best way to build confidence in a given area is to invest energy in it and work hard at it,” says Schwartz. Many people give up when they think they’re not good at a particular job or task, assuming the exertion is fruitless. But Schwartz argues that deliberate practice will almost always trump natural aptitude. If you are unsure about your ability to do something — speak in front of large audience, negotiate with a tough customer — start by trying out the skills in a safe setting. “Practice can be very useful, and is highly recommended because in addition to building confidence, it also tends to improve quality. Actually deliver the big presentation more than once before the due date. Do a dry run before opening a new store,” says Gruenfeld. Even people who are confident in their abilities can become more so with better preparation.”
-Amy Gallo
 
Do:
 
  • Practice regular positive self talk.
  • Say Exactly what you mean.
  • Stay away from negative people.
  • Let go of what you can’t control.
  • Be honest with yourself about what you know and what you still need to learn.
  • Practice doing things that aren’t always easy or comfortable.
  • Embrace failure! Failure IS success!
  • Stand tall and practice good posture.
  • Smile
  • Be grateful
  • Exercise
 
Don’t:
 
  • Worry about what other people think.
  • Be a people pleaser.
  • Speak badly about yourself.
  • Give up!
  • Be afraid to say “NO”.
  • Be afraid to say “YES”.
  • Focus on whether or not you have the ability, instead focus on the value you provide.
  • Hesitate to ask for validation if you need it. It’s OKAY to ask for honest feedback.
  • Be afraid to try new things.
  • Judge others, it’s a reflection of what you think about yourself.
 
Use the prompts below to participate in the challenge. Always use the hashtag #wannabeconfident so that we can connect with each other that way. If you have not done a Periscope before then be sure to introduce yourself and post your username in the Wannabe Balanced Facebook group.
1. Love Letter to Self (read daily)
Write a love letter to yourself. Be very detailed and write it as if God is saying these things to you. After all, God is the greatest source of love and we should be opening ourselves up to receive his love on a daily basis. So be sure to read this letter DAILY!
2. What are your Gifts and Talents? I want to hear what you know to be your God given gifts and talents.
3. Pamper Yourself, take a long bath with candles, give yourself a facial, manicure, pedicure, or go get a massage. Just do something that makes you feel good about yourself.
4. Go for a walk while saying positive affirmations. It’s always a good idea to be alone in nature and give yourself some positive self talk. Notice the beauty and thank God for all he has given you. Praise yourself for the challenges you’ve overcome, or the choices you’ve made that turned out to be a really good thing. Give yourself credit for a job well done and at the same time, thank God for guiding you and giving you the strength to endure.
5. Tell us about something you did that you’re really proud of.
6. Every time you look in the mirror today, give yourself a compliment.
7. Cultivate a morning routine that includes alone time with God. There’s nothing like the peace you find in the quiet hours of the morning. My day goes SO much better if I can wake up before the kids and have a little quiet time with God. I thank him for increasing my understanding and ask him to guide me as I go about my day.
8. What gives you purpose? What do you enjoy doing that gives you great satisfaction and fulfillment?
9. Exercise hard today! Push yourself extra hard to recieve the euphoric feeling that comes after a job well done.
10. Share a healthy habit you’d like to incorporate into your life. Could be something as simple as drinking an extra glass of water each day, or adding a new super food to your diet.
11. Enjoy the sunrise with positive affirmations. The sunrise is one of the most amazing things to witness. Most the time I’m too caught up in the book I’m reading, or my journaling that I don’t even look up to take it all in. 
12. Share a recent “Tender Mercy”. What kinds of little miracles have you witnessed in your life within the last week? Are you noticing all that God is providing for you? A lot of times God answers prayers through the voice of another person.
13. Listen to happy music and dance. Oh how I love listening to music. It’s an instant pick me up. I’ve kind of created a ritual in my house. I love to turn the fire place on, light a candle, and play some music. It instantly lifts my spirit.
14. Happy Valentines Day!!!! Share a picture that best describes “LOVE”. 
 
Please share this, heaven knows we ALL need it. Let’s help each other reach greater heights of confidence and self love. 

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· in Life of a Wannabe· List's and Schedules· Mom Stuff· skincare· Spirituality

Feeling Overwhelmed?


As mothers it is hard for us NOT to feel overwhelmed. We wear many hats and the responsibilities are endless. In my ten years experience as a mother I have learned a few things about myself. One is that I create the overwhelm myself and I can be a little overzealous when it comes to fulfilling my roles as a mother. We are constantly advised by older and much wiser women to SLOW DOWN and enjoy the precious moments we have RIGHT NOW. For one day we’re going to ache for the sound of little feet running around our home. When ever I hear this advice I always think to myself, yes, I know, I’ve heard it before, but I’m different you see. I can slow down AND accomplish a lot at the same time.


Back when I was pregnant with my first baby I remember hearing a talk in church on this topic. The person giving the talk shared a poem that completely caught my attention. I’ll share it here below.

This poem was presented at the 2007 Women’s Conference
at the campus of Brigham Young University.
To be read in the style of Dr. Seuss:

The Perfect Mormon Woman
.by Vickie Gunther.
(gently edited by Dr Matt).

Look at me, look at me, look at me now.
You can do what I do, if you knew how!
I study the scriptures one hour each day;
I bake and upholster and scrub, and I pray.
I keep all commandments you see, quite completely;
I speak to my little ones gently and sweetly.
Design all their clothes and sew all they wear,
I drive them to practice and cut all their hair.
I memorize names of the General Authorities;
Order each goal to be done by priorities.
I play the piano, bless all with my talents.
My toilets all sparkle! My check books are balanced.
One day a week every child gets a date;
Attend all my meetings — on time, never late!
I’m taking a class on the teachings of Paul,
But that is not all! Oh no, that is not all:
I track my bad habits till each is abolished;
Iron every t-shirt. My toenails are polished!
Our family home evenings are ever delightful;
The lessons I plan are both fun and insightful.
I do genealogy faithfully too.
It’s easy to do all the things that I do!
Up early each morning, refreshed and awake;
I know all the names of the youth in my stake.
I read to my children! I help all my neighbors.
I bless the community too, with my labors.
I exercise daily, cook menus gourmet;
My visiting teaching is done the first day!
I also go do it for someone who misses,
The least I can do for my caring ward sisters.
I chart resolutions and check off each goal;
I search for “lost lambs” on my Primary roll.
I store home-grown produce in summer and fall.
But that is not all! Oh no, that is not all:
I write in my journal and sing in the choir;
Each day, I write “thank you’s” to those I admire.
My sons were all Eagles when they were fourteen.
My kids get straight A’s, and their bedrooms are clean!
I have a home business to help make some money;
I always look beautifully groomed for my honey.
I go to the temple at least once a week;
I rotate car tires, fix each plumbing leak!
I grind my own wheat and I bake all our bread;
I have all our meals planned out six months ahead.
I make sure to rotate our two-years supply;
My shopping for Christmas is done by July!
These things are not hard; it’s good if you do them.
You can if you try. Set your goals and pursue them.
It’s easy to do all the things that I do.
If you plan and work smart, you can do them all too!
“It’s easy!” she said . . . and then she dropped dead.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *
Would you believe my first thought after hearing this poem was, Where can I get a copy of this because I’m going to use it as my daily check list!!!? I wanted to hang it in my office and read it every day so I could  become “the perfect” Mormon women, except for the dropping dead part of course. I thought well, SHE may have kicked the bucket, but I was going to figure out a way to DO IT ALL…

Without dying…

In my several attempts to fulfill every responsibility and worthwhile goal as a mom, I literally drove myself and Sean insane. I would crash and burn but continue trying. That’s the definition of insanity, you know that right? Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.

It took me ten years to learn this lesson, but I think I’m finally catching on. I don’t need to keep adding to my list. I don’t need to do it all in one day or one month. I want to focus on ONE thing at a time and give it my all. Quality over quantity. Not try to do as many things as possible until I run myself into the ground. I guess I couldn’t distinguish the difference between passion and obsession. To me being laid back was laziness, contentment was idleness, and removing things from my list was simply giving up. In my mind, admitting I couldn’t do it all was a lack of confidence and faith in myself.

Let me walk you through a series of events that lead me to this “AHA” moment. About 4 months ago I made the decision to get my tubes tied and close the baby making door. Immediately I thought to myself, YES! Now I can go back to DOING MORE! Since I will no longer be making babies, now I’ll finally have time to be the amazing mom I always aspired to be. What I failed to remember was the fact that I STILL HAVE babies. I may not be making them anymore, but I still have them and they require A LOT of time and energy. I just began piling on more and more without acknowledging the reality of my situation.

Now looking back I recognize the slippery slope I once again found myself falling down. I was feeling constant stress, overwhelm, and my confidence began to waver. After about 2 months, my internal stress began to reveal itself externally. My skin broke out so bad. All over my face, neck, chest and back. I began my usual remedy that always works when I break out around that time of month. Quit sugar, dairy, gluten, caffeine. I went all natural in my skin care products and make up. I supplemented with everything I knew that helped with skin health, Zinc, Vitex, Cleansing minerals, Omega’s, Vitamin B, Chlorophyll, Colloidal Silver, ect. I sanitized all my pillowcases, sheets, blankets, make-up brushes. I did EV.ER.Y.THING! And my skin only got worse. Pure break outs for 2 months until I finally realized that maybe it’s not what I’m consuming or putting on my skin. Maybe it’s something emotional. So that’s when I made the decision to go see someone who specializes in energy work, muscle testing, Kinesiology type stuff.

Last week I spent two hours with this women and I must say, I feel like a new women! Within DAYS my skin started clearing up. She helped me pinpoint what kinds of emotions I had trapped within my body and how to release them through energy and intention. It was absolutely incredible. So much so that I’m going to go see her again tomorrow.

So the moral of the story is. You may have good intentions and believe that you are motivated and determined enough to DO IT ALL, but ultimately, will you be happy?  In my case I was NOT happy and felt stressed and completely out of balance.

It’s the most liberating thing to throw out that list, and appreciate what it’s like NOT to have a schedule. To just BE, FEEL, APPRECIATE, NOTICE, and relax. Sometimes you just need to let go of it all and start over. Start fresh, with new intentions, purpose, and mindfulness of your surroundings and most importantly, the people you love the most. I am literally trying to make myself MOVE slower. I’m trying to gently glide around my house instead of rushing around like a mad women. I’m really trying hard to be more relaxed, in the moment without any thought of the millions of things I THINK I should be doing. Because the thing I should be doing in this season of my life is slowing down and appreciating the fact that I still have babies in the home and the wonderful blessing that is.

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Stay Connected!

Welcome!

Thank you for stopping by! I love connecting with other like minded women. This website is all about how to become the best version of yourself as you strive for balance in motherhood, business, and overall personal growth. Let’s work together! Email me at crystal@escoweb.net

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