When I was 10 years old I had a traumatic experience that caused me to feel overwhelming SHAME. A year later I finally gained the courage to “confess” it to my bishop.

Growing up in the Mormon Church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) I adapted this belief that my leaders, bishop, priesthood holders, elders, and prophets were the ones with the final say regarding my worthiness.

Now I see how this has contributed to my need for validation and approval from others. Instead of being grounded in my inner knowing, the truth about ME, I gave my power away and silenced the true me that KNOWS I’m enough, worthy, and pure, NO. MATTER. WHAT.

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A few years ago I was at my wits end with all my bottled up Mormon Mom emotions. So much guilt, jealousy, envy, and pressure to do everything amazing all the time with a perfect smile on my face.

I was desperate for help. I prayed, I studied scriptures, and had conference talks playing on repeat all day.

I could never find anything that spoke to me, or that offered any kind of relief from my inner suffering.

Until one day I found a podcast by an LDS life coach. Ironically she was the one that released me from my living Mormon hell. She taught me one simple truth. That I could choose to believe what ever I wanted to believe.

I know some might say, “well, of course we get to choose what we believe”. But I literally did NOT know this. I thought I was supposed to believe what the CHURCH told me to believe.

They taught me it was the one and ONLY way, the ONLY true church, and the ONLY path to live a happy life full of blessings.

Since leaving the church and experiencing for myself whether or not that is true, I’ve come to discover that it is NOT.

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I’ve been wanting to talk about alcohol consumption for a while now but haven’t felt I was in a place to really give any kind of useful advice.
I’ve been battling my own internal struggle ever since we allowed drinking to be part of our lifestyle. Not about the shame and guilt from the church, but mostly just fears around my health and addiction.

If you’d like to recieve the zoom video link that I mentioned in this episode then add your email HERE.

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Here is an interview with Kyla Faye Dickerson. She shares her story growing up in the Mormon church and getting married in the temple. Eventually she gained the courage to live her truth by leaving the church and discovering a whole new way of seeing her life and the world.

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Recognizing the shift in my mindset and sharing a list of the old verses the new. Here are a few;

Old: Worthiness and pleading with God for things is the way to receive blessings.

New: I’m ALWAYS worthy of everything my soul desires. Intensions, and actions fueled by love, is the way to attract more good into my life.

Old: The Prophet knows whats best for me and my family.

New: I know best, what’s best for me. For the first time in my life I’m learning to listen to ME. At the same time, remaining open to feedback and information.

Old: It’s not my “calling” to make money, therefore I’d never really be able to because God wouldn’t bless me. Working makes me a bad mom. Men are more successful. By the time my kids are grown I’ll be too old to pursue anything worthwhile.

New: I’m not a bad mom if I choose to work. Women are just as capable of making money as men. It’s NEVER too late. Louis Hay (Hay House Publishing) is the perfect example of a women who didn’t let age stop her.

When she was in her mid 40’s she started teaching.
At 50, she began her publishing company.
At 55, she took classes and learned how to use computers.
60, started her first garden.
70, entered a children’s art class
75, graduated to an adults art class and started selling paintings, also took up yoga.
76, took up ballroom dancing, fulfilling her childhood dream of becoming a dancer.

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I used to believe I had to be WORTHY of receiving inspiration and guidance in my life. It was a constant questioning of myself, wondering if God would still speak to me even if I wasn’t doing A, B, and C.

Now unpacking and discovering a whole new meaning of what “feeling the spirit” is to me. Regaining the trust I lost when taking the “wrong” road far too often after following the “spirit”.

What does feeling the spirit mean to you? Is it a question of worthiness? Is it your gut feeling? Is it warning signs? A burning in your bosom? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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