I made a mistake and here’s what I learned.

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Just recently I experienced the most intense fear and it lasted for 3 days. I know that doesn’t seem like a long time when you compare it to someone who has been battling depression their whole life. But when you’re experiencing such intense emotion, and it stays for days, you begin to wonder if it will ever go away. Your fear of the fear intensifies because it’s hard to take control of your mind at that point. We all know that we create our own realities and what we think and believe is truly the baseline of our reality. So even through I knew this, it was hard to find thoughts that I could believe. Saying what you want to think in order to feel better, doesn’t necessarily work unless you can believe it. And believing is the hard part. Believing requires faith and faith is hard to obtain when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

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You probably think this episode is about you, don’t you don’t you don’t you?

In this “selfie” society, and somewhat narcissistic generation on the rise, we are seeing more and more anxiety and depression. Anxiety and depression are triggered by all consuming thoughts about ourselves. When we think the world revolves around us.

One thing I’m really trying to get through my head is that everything is not about ME! As spiritual beings having a human experience we are constantly fighting against the tendencies of the natural man. In our efforts to discover ourselves by studying personal development and taking time for self care, we can create an accidental self absorbed reality.

It’s especially true as we go through our adolescent years. Our minds our consumed with, how do I look, what should I wear, I wonder what they think of me, am I popular, am I pretty, fun, smart, awesome? Everything people do and say becomes all about us.

I was just listening to Jody Moore’s Podcast, Better Than Happy and she did an episode about Mother’s Day, helping us all understand that although you are a mother, mother’s day is not about you. It’s about focusing on all the mothers in your own life, not waiting and hoping with high expectations that our spouse or kids will treat us extra special. We envision exactly what we want from them, and each year we are left feel ing a little disappointed, well at least that’s been the case for me. We want flowers, gifts, breakfast in bed, and basically a day off from motherhood duties. Most the time I do get treated pretty awesome, but I realized I’ve set the bar pretty dang high.

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I think jealousy and resentment go hand in hand because first we experience jealousy, and usually it’s followed by a bit of resentment toward the person we are jealous of. Or resentment towards the life we’ve been dealt. Sometimes we want to blame others or blame our circumstances for not having everything we desire to have. 

Junior high and high school is when I can remember experiencing the most jealousy.

Over the years I’ve learned how to manage my thoughts enough to work my way out of the emotion when ever it comes up. And believe me, it still comes up. 

There was a time when I even had to limit the time I spent on social media because I noticed that I was always left with feelings of jealousy. Seeing pictures of other people attending an awesome party that I wasn’t invited to or noticing how influential another blogger is and wondering why I’m not gaining the same amount of traction. 

Social media is a blessing and a curse. The answer is not to abandon social media all together, maybe it’s necessary for a time, but ultimately I think the answer is to learn the lesson. How can we overcome our envious nature? How can we stay in a place of peace and love for everyone? That is the big question. I’ve found plenty of tips and advice on the matter but I tell yah, it’s no easy task. 

It’s human nature to want what others have. We recognize it in our own children as early as age two. They are happily playing with a particular toy until brother walks in with a different toy. Suddenly they must have THAT toy!!! The one they have just doesn’t seem as cool anymore. The psychology around it is that when someone else has something, it only SEEMS to be better than what we have because we don’t have it. The grass always seems greener until we get there and we realize it’s really not greener, just LOOKS greener from a distance. 

I feel this happens to me a lot in business and blogging. I have big goals and constantly striving to reach new heights. But there is always someone that has achieved more, or seems to be doing it better than me. 

“In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet.”

~Albert Schweitzer

In this episode I mention a YouTube video I made sharing my story, geared towards teenage girls. Check it out HERE.

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It was March 19th 2014. My sweet Owen entered this world. As I looked down at my new baby boy, taking in his beauty and overcome with the euphoria that comes immediately after giving birth. I was in complete adoration of this new child, noticing every bit of his tiny little frame. His eyes, his nose, toes, fingers, little baby legs covered in the most adorable wrinkly skin. As I scanned his body appreciating his perfection I noticed something that didn’t look quite right. He had a little tiny ball of cartilage attached to his ear. As I studied his ears I noticed that one ear was much smaller than the other. Immediately my thoughts went to shame and blame, playing back every moment of my pregnancy, wondering what I must have done to cause this birth defect. What did I eat or not eat, what did I breathe, was I too stressed, did I not exercise or rest enough?  Did I take the wrong vitamins? I couldn’t help but wonder what I must have done to cause this. 

Check out this story on my YouTube channel where I share actual footage of this event.

After taking Owen to the doctor and getting opinions about his ear and advice on a plan of action for what they call Microtia, we discovered another birth defect. Owen also had a severe blocked heart valve called Pulmonic Stenosis. We ended up having to take him in for an emergency surgery to open up the blocked valve. 

Thanks to modern day technology and medicine we were able to get everything under control and have a great plan of action to fix Owen’s ear. 

The other day I was reading the book called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. He talks about learning to adapt complete awareness. He also mentioned that often times our hearts become blocked because of our own resistance to unwanted circumstances. The more we resist negative emotions instead of simply allowing them to pass through us, the more our hearts become blocked. When I visualize this happening I can’t help but think about Owen’s blocked heart valve. How his blocked heart valve went unnoticed for 9 months. Normally, symptoms of a blocked valve will eventually start showing externally in the form of shortness of breath, passing out, or turning blue. This never happened to Owen, but his condition was just as serious. Reminds me of the fact that many people go half their lives living with blocked hearts. Not physically blocked like Owen’s but emotionally blocked. Leaving no passages open for positive or negative emotions to pass through. 

The reason our hearts become blocked is due to past experiences that caused us to feel pain, sadness, heartache, anger, ect. The heart becomes blocked as a result of fear. Fear is the root of it all. Instead of simply being an observer of our lives, we try to control it out of fear. Fear that we might suffer the same thing again. Our minds remember the pain and suffering, and the heart takes on the symptoms caused by fear.  

In this episode I also mention the Bedtime Belly Buster. For more info go HERE!

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One thing I think has helped us most in our marriage and we touched on this a little in one of our previous episodes is acceptance. If you’re familiar with what Jody Moore teaches, you’ve probably heard her talk about the “manual”. She describes the manual as a set of beliefs, rules and expectations we bring into our marriages. The manuals are developed as a result of our upbringing, and the examples of relationships we are exposed to growing up. It’s what we believe a spouse is “supposed” to be instead of accepting each other exactly the way they are. 

We want to be unapologetically real about what we think, authentic and open about mistakes we’ve made and how we’ve learned from them. 

We’re getting better at allowing one another to be who we want to be instead of trying to fit each other into a mold. 

It took Sean over 10 years to finally be open about the fact that he was married before me. Last summer we did a YouTube video about this. I think this was a huge step toward acceptance. Not only are we trying to accept one another, but we are also trying to accept ourselves and everything about what has made us who we are today.

Growing up with tremendous disfunction within my home I experienced a lot of shame. And one thing I learned that set me free from the shame is to be open about things. The more I shared what my life was REALLY like, the more I felt free from the bondage of shame. As I’ve studied shame a little more I’ve learned that shame only grows and triggers more shameful actions when you hide things. 

Brene Brown says that shame only needs three things to grow. Secrecy, silence, and judgement. 

So by learning this at such a young age, I’ve become an extremely open person when it comes to my life. I’m not afraid to share how crazy I am. Which reminds me, The other day I sent out an email to all the ladies on my email list. I was revisiting some of the content Sean and I have shared on marriage in the past. In the same sentence I was being open about the fact that I may or may not have scratched Sean once in a moment of rage. I wasn’t saying I was proud of it, only that I’m human and have weaknesses, but continue to learn and grow from each experience. 

I had an unexpected response from one of my subscribers. She was absolutely disgusted with my actions and could NOT believe someone as crazy as me would dare give marriage advice. 

I honestly think we learn the most from the crazies. They’ve been to the dark side and back. I’m constantly reading books and listening to Podcasts by people who were once drug addicts, or struggled with severe depression, or were even homeless at one point. Those are the people who truly inspire me. People who can overcome such extreme weaknesses, circumstances, and struggles. It’s amazing to me when you witness the growth and real change of another person. Not only does it allow others to say “me too” but it gives them a glimpse into what is possible for even the craziest of people.

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