In my several attempts to fulfill every responsibility and worthwhile goal as a mom, I literally drove myself and Sean insane. I would crash and burn but continue trying. That’s the definition of insanity, you know that right? Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.

It took me ten years to learn this lesson, but I think I’m finally catching on. I don’t need to keep adding to my list. I don’t need to do it all in one day or one month. I want to focus on ONE thing at a time and give it my all. Quality over quantity. Not try to do as many things as possible until I run myself into the ground. I guess I couldn’t distinguish the difference between passion and obsession. To me being laid back was laziness, contentment was idleness, and removing things from my list was simply giving up. In my mind, admitting I couldn’t do it all was a lack of confidence and faith in myself.

Let me walk you through a series of events that lead me to this “AHA” moment. About 4 months ago I made the decision to get my tubes tied and close the baby making door. Immediately I thought to myself, YES! Now I can go back to DOING MORE! Since I will no longer be making babies, now I’ll finally have time to be the amazing mom I always aspired to be. What I failed to remember was the fact that I STILL HAVE babies. I may not be making them anymore, but I still have them and they require A LOT of time and energy. I just began piling on more and more without acknowledging the reality of my situation.

Now looking back I recognize the slippery slope I once again found myself falling down. I was feeling constant stress, overwhelm, and my confidence began to waver. After about 2 months, my internal stress began to reveal itself externally. My skin broke out so bad. All over my face, neck, chest and back. I began my usual remedy that always works when I break out around that time of month. Quit sugar, dairy, gluten, caffeine. I went all natural in my skin care products and make up. I supplemented with everything I knew that helped with skin health, Zinc, Vitex, Cleansing minerals, Omega’s, Vitamin B, Chlorophyll, Colloidal Silver, ect. I sanitized all my pillowcases, sheets, blankets, make-up brushes. I did EV.ER.Y.THING! And my skin only got worse. Pure break outs for 2 months until I finally realized that maybe it’s not what I’m consuming or putting on my skin. Maybe it’s something emotional. So that’s when I made the decision to go see someone who specializes in energy work, muscle testing, Kinesiology type stuff.

Last week I spent two hours with this women and I must say, I feel like a new women! Within DAYS my skin started clearing up. She helped me pinpoint what kinds of emotions I had trapped within my body and how to release them through energy and intention. It was absolutely incredible. So much so that I’m going to go see her again tomorrow.

So the moral of the story is. You may have good intentions and believe that you are motivated and determined enough to DO IT ALL, but ultimately, will you be happy?  In my case I was NOT happy and felt stressed and completely out of balance.

It’s the most liberating thing to throw out that list, and appreciate what it’s like NOT to have a schedule. To just BE, FEEL, APPRECIATE, NOTICE, and relax. Sometimes you just need to let go of it all and start over. Start fresh, with new intentions, purpose, and mindfulness of your surroundings and most importantly, the people you love the most. I am literally trying to make myself MOVE slower. I’m trying to gently glide around my house instead of rushing around like a mad women. I’m really trying hard to be more relaxed, in the moment without any thought of the millions of things I THINK I should be doing. Because the thing I should be doing in this season of my life is slowing down and appreciating the fact that I still have babies in the home and the wonderful blessing that is.