Search Results for: resentment

October 30, 2016 · in happiness· Health· Inspiration· Life of a Wannabe

3 Ways to Overcome Resentment

I’ve been dealing with feelings of resentment lately, and it literally makes me ache inside, I just wanted to better learn to overcome resentment. I do NOT like this feeling. Over the weekend it came on really strong. It’s usually triggered by something someone says to me, the way they act towards me, or even something I see on social media. When this happens I usually begin searching for ways to overcome resentment. I start with a little googling, then sincere prayer, and lots of study of the scriptures. I tend to get impatient though. When I’m dealing with negative emotions I just want it to go away as soon as possible, don’t we all? I pray that God will guide me to the right quote, or article that relates to exactly how I’m feeling with step by step instructions on HOW to overcome it, like it’s that simple. The answers don’t always come right away, we have to put in the time and effort before we can find relief.

Sometimes I’m so overwhelmed with the emotion that I just want distraction. Something to take my mind off of it. So this weekend as I’m wallowing in my resentment towards certain people, all I wanted to do was binge watch “Friends” on Netflix. I wanted to forget my complicated social situations and live vicariously through this made up group of friends that seem to have so much fun together. Everyone loves each other, they all care deeply for one another, nobody is getting left out and life is just GOOD.

So instead of using distraction, I knew I needed to keep my mind open and aware of receiving the answers I was praying for. So after an entire day of searching Youtube, Podcasts, and blog posts, I was able to find some resources that actually helped me.

Why do we feel resentment?

*You didn’t get invited to the party.

*You don’t feel supported by friends or family members.

*You feel you’ve been taken advantage of.

*Frustrated that a friend chooses to be your competition instead of working together in business.

*Someone is spreading rumors about you.

*You are being left out, you’re not included in a group of friends, you see a picture on social media of your friends hanging out, and you’re not in it.

Get it all out…

This feeling is like an infection in the body. You need to get it out. So SAY what you’re feeling or thinking. Say it or write it. Just don’t say it TO anyone and be sure to rip up the paper and throw it away once you’re done. You can be as mean and vicious as you want cause nobody can hear it. The purpose is to remove the negativity, not hurt anyone. Our “knee jerk” reaction is to hurt someone back when they have hurt us, but this won’t solve anything.

Humility

Next step, write out your own weaknesses. It’s good to establish some humility in this kind of situation and not be the victim. Take responsibility for your own mistakes. Recognize that you’re not perfect either. You may have done this very thing to someone else. Just simply recognize that we all have things we need to work on.

Mathew 7

1Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Ignorance is Bliss

Now tell your brain what you want to hear. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. Create the perfect situation in your mind. Come up with an explanation for the person’s actions. What might have caused this person to do this? Have compassion towards them. Maybe the person that hurt you has legitimate issues that caused them to do what they did. There’s got to be a reason, and you can create what ever reason you want. The goal is to feel better and its okay to tell your mind what it wants to hear. Ignorance is bliss, and LaLa Land is beautiful. Tell yourself you’re amazing, and that it’s their loss for not wanting to work with you, or for not inviting you to the party. Tell yourself YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Now FORGIVE!

Ephesians 4:31-32

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

I can honestly say that I feel MUCH better now. I put in the time and effort. God answered my prayers and led me to the right resources that helped me overcome these negative feelings.

Resources:

The Biggest Disease Affecting Humanity: “I’m Not Enough” by Marisa Peer

First steps to overcoming resentment

May 9, 2023 · in addiction· Health· Monthly Challenge

Ep #159: HEALING | Mind, Body, & Soul

Let’s take a look at your symptoms, physical AND mental. Do you have any pain in your body? Extra weight? Skin conditions, thinning hair?

Are you dealing with any anxiety or depression?

What ever the symptom is, there is always a root cause and that’s what I hope tonights class can help you identify.

With my rash I explored all potential causes. Through deep introspection and researching breast implant illness, I was able to narrow it down.

When I began reading about breast implant illness and discovered countless stories of other women experiencing the same symptoms as me, I was convinced that my next step towards better health should be to remove my implants.

I also made sure to look at my mental and emotional health during this time. I even went back and read some of my journal entries leading up to the rash outbreak.

I noticed a theme in my writings. RESENTMENT. I was carrying a lot of resentment in my body, thinking I was processing it by writing it out. But writing alone is not always enough. Sometimes you need to SAY something rather than hold it in. Sometimes it’s necessary to voice how you’re feeling, what you’re upset about, set some boundaries and make some changes.

{Want access to my FREE Journal Prompts and Work Books? Sign up HERE to assist you in your goal for increased self awareness through daily writing and monthly challenges.}

If you’re interested in booking a FREE Mini Session then use my calendar link to schedule with me. (New Clients Only)

MY CALENDARhttps://calendly.com/crystalescobar/30-min-free-mini-session

September 22, 2021 · in Podcast

Ep #122: Update on life after Mormonism

Today Sean and I wanted to share an update as far as where we are, mentally and emotionally as it pertains to our journey out of Mormonism.

This past year has been quite the whirlwind. I turned 40 and for some reason, along with that came a whole host of internal issues that came up for me. I was struggling with finding a purpose and positive outlook on life.

I was confused and overwhelmed by my own lack of beliefs and unanswered questions. There were so many things swirling around inside of me and I couldn’t make sense of any of it. Felt like absolute chaos.

At the same time I was becoming more tolerant of the Mormon beliefs. I didn’t feel as much anger and resentment around it all. Sean and I both stopped focusing on it and decided that we were done being “post Mormons”. We wanted to just be US. So me made a conscious decision to put our energy elsewhere. In that sense things felt great, but on the other hand I was plagued by my lack of purpose.

I was so worried of being deceived or brain washed that I became far too skeptical of everything. In my attempt to become more of a realist I had completely closed myself off from believing in anything.

My world became so black and white and I didn’t even realize that I had unintentionally blocked out all the beautiful colors. It’s as if I was trying to go back to my tiny “box” like home, and out of fear, began nailing all the doors and windows shut in order to protect myself, believing that even the sun itself was a threat to me.

It’s only been recently that I’ve allowed myself to believe in something again. Things like God, prayer, Jesus, and spirit. But I don’t believe in God, prayer, and Jesus as Mormons do and the way most religions do.

I would like to even use different terminology for these things because I don’t want to associate it with any kind of religious belief. But God for me is just source energy. The part of us that is one with everyone and everything. There is the human part of us, but then there is also the “being”. And that to me is God, and each of us come from that same source. It’s like God is the ocean and we are all part of it, each of us is a drop in the ocean. We think we are separate but that’s impossible. If we are a drop in the ocean then we ARE the ocean.

Prayer for me now is just a way to send out positive vibes of gratitude to the universe and also a way to ask for answers and guidance in my life. I want to believe that the universe responds to the requests we put out there. As I’ve allowed myself to pray again, of course it’s nothing like the Mormon prayers. I don’t get on my knees, I don’t address God or Jesus. I simply think or say all the things I’m grateful for, then I ask for answers to questions in my heart. That has been a really cool thing for me to practice. I’ve noticed some awesome things and it really feels good to accept some of these things back into my life but in a much different way.

And as far as Jesus goes. I still think of him as an important figure in history who taught us a lot of good things through his parables, wisdom, and example. I think a lot of what religions teach about Jesus is completely misunderstood, misused, and misinterpreted.

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December 7, 2020 · in Marriage· personal growth

What’s in your Should Book?

We all have a “should book” believe it or not. It’s a mental book full of all the things we believe people should and should not do. How a husband should be, how a mother should be, how a teacher should be, ect.

What I’ve come to realize is that our should books are completely unique to each individual. Just as no two fingerprints are exactly alike, neither are should books. They are created from a combination of things. Past experiences, personality types, cultural environment, religious influence, and parental examples.

Expecting Others to Follow the Rules in our Should Book

We all have specific preferences and desires, and I believe it’s totally acceptable to make requests of others. The only problem is when we expect them to follow ALL of them.

Sure, sometimes we can affectively manipulate others in ways that get us what we want, but I think most of us can agree that any form of manipulation is not a fair way to play.

As long as our happiness depends on whether or not others follow our should book, then we will always be left feeling disappointed. We can’t control peoples behavior any more than we can control their thoughts.

Question Your Shoulds

It’s important to question your shoulds. Why do you have them? Where did they come from? Do you like your reasons for your shoulds?

Examples of things you might say are “good shoulds”:

People shouldn’t kill other people.
Husbands shouldn’t physically abuse their wives.
People should take care of their health.
Nobody should ever hurt children.
Husbands shouldn’t physically abuse their wives.

It’s okay to feel sad when others don’t follow our shoulds. We actually want to feel sad about these things I listed. We surely don’t want to feel happy about it. We just have to understand that remaining in a place of sadness and anger around these things doesn’t serve anyone.

If we want to become an activist around these things then it’s much more effective to get to a better feeling emotion first. Real change comes actions that are fueled with feelings of love for the abused rather than hate for the abuser.

Don’t Be Hypocritical

If you have shoulds for others, don’t you think it’d be a good idea if you followed your own should? The only behavior we can control is our own so that’s where our focus should be.

We can’t have a should for others that we are unwilling to follow ourselves. Classic example: “he should follow all the rules in my should book”. Well, are YOU following all the rules in HIS should book?

Turn Your Shoulds into Wants

Don’t use your should book against yourself. If you have shoulds for yourself, then see what you can do about dropping it down to a space of WANT. When you tell yourself you WANT to do something rather than SHOULD, then you’ll notice how much more empowering that feels.

Ask yourself why do you WANT to do these things? Do you like your reasons? Are you doing them from a place of fear, resentment, anger, guilt, jealousy, boredom, hate, blame or anxiety? Make sure your reasons are coming from a good place.

Example:

“I SHOULD work out every day, because I’m fat”

“I WANT to work out every day because I love my body and I appreciate good physical health.”

Can you see the difference in the emotions these two statements create?

Now tell me… what is in YOUR should book?

October 22, 2019 · in Podcast

Ep #69: Better Not Bitter

Have you ever been hurt by someone? Been rejected, turned down, left out, judged, misunderstood, or mistreated?

Of course you have. We ALL have.

I want to tell you about a recent experience I had that triggered a lot of anger and resentment in me.

About the thoughts I chose to believe about myself and how I turned them around.

Don’t believe a single thought that comes when you’re feeling any of these lower vibration emotions.

Wait, watch, and wonder…

Eventually the feelings will pass as you maintain the awareness. Then when you’re back up to a higher vibration of emotion. Focus and practice believing the TRUTH!

What is the truth?

You have to decide but for me the most powerful belief is, I am an eternal spiritual being having a temporary human experience.